In Darkness We Find Light
by Achilles1011
Summary: Spoilers for 4x10! Near the end of 'Waves' we saw Bo slaughter the Una Mens in cold blood, and after Trick's visit Bo begins to question what she had done and the actions she has taken. She realizes that something is more wrong with her then she thought. Alternate Ending to 4x10. Repost because I accidentally deleted this.
1. In Darkness We Find Light

**A/N: Thank-you for taking the time to read this. Any favourites follows or reviews are appreciated. **

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As Trick walked away she could hear the accusatory voices in her head return, telling her that she was brain-washed, possessed, someone else was in control? Why couldn't they understand? Why couldn't her family understand that she had found her destiny? That she had found someone she loved with all her heart.

So then why did her heart feel hollow and dark? Like something was missing or wrong? Why? Bo sighed and shook her head, there was nothing wrong with her heart, nothing wrong with what she was feeling, she was simply recovering from being reunited with her lover.

Lauren.

Why of all things did her mind leap there? Sighing she walked over to her dresser, to where she kept her jewelry. When she got there she pulled out a fox and note that she had found at Lauren's place so long ago.

_For giving me the freedom to love. _

_And I do. Forever_

_-Lauren_

Without even thinking about it she opened the envelope and read them for what seemed like the thousandth time. She smiled slightly at the words before she shook her head. If Lauren loved her then why couldn't she…

She was assaulted by a short seemingly insignificant memory from the train ride. Just before she had awoken she could have sworn she had heard Lauren's voice that day but. What had she…

_Bo I remember._

She awakened on the train that day; it had not been the group getting their memory back of her? But that was what Rainer… it was Lauren's voice? The one who echoed amongst the others, and it was Lauren who had been the reason she had awakened after her memories had been sealed.

That made no sense. Rainer had told her that when the compass was broken when all of them remembered she would awaken without any of them wondering where she was, driven to find her plane and then she had to find her way back her way to free him.

But of all of them why had it been Lauren's voice that had awakened her that day. How had she even been able to hear her echo in her head? Then again she was on a mystical train, echoing voices should not be a huge surprise to her should they?

Souls screaming in agony. The sounds of… the damned souls on his train.

What the hell? Where had that come from? Why would Rainer's train have been carrying souls of the damned? That made no sense. He said he had been banished to that plane although why and for what he had still not remembered.

When she gently set the note down next to her she reached her hand out to pick up the necklace that at one time had meant so much to her, but she had never worn it. Why?

Because her subconscious had remembered that her true love was Rainer? Was that the reason? But for some reason she felt nothing when she thought of him, a vague general happiness, but little else.

No. It was because she had wanted Lauren to be the one to give this to her, she wanted Lauren to be the one to put it… light.

For a few moments all she could see and feel was light. Something was… what the hell. She needed to get out of here; she needed to run away from here. Whatever it was there was something seriously wrong with her.

She had killed the Una Mens. She had killed someone who was begging for her life in front of her eyes.

She could feel the urge to be sick rising up. What had she done? What kind of powers could she have unleashed?

More importantly what did Rainer actually want with her and with them? She reached out to grab the necklace and the note quickly shoving it into the pocket of her kimono, wandering around the room she pulled on the clothing that she had been wearing earlier. Whatever the hell was going on she knew she needed to run.

She needed to find Lauren, she needed to find Kenzi, even Dyson at this point. She needed to find someone that she could trust. Because she could feel something was wrong with her, something was very wrong with her. She felt sick.

What had she done?

Trick's words kept echoing in her head telling her not to kill the Una Mens or else their powers would gather in one final seed, but that was what she had already done hadn't she. She needed to find a way to fix this, and to get away from Rainer because whatever he was doing to her she barely recognized herself anymore.

Quickly she glanced around the room before she started to walk away, she stopped for a moment to reach for her phone before she walked out of the room. Once she was in the hallway she climbed the stairs to Kenzi's attic room, it would give her a chance to call someone and hopefully it would take Rainer a little more time to find this room.

When she unlocked the phone to make the call she hesitated for a moment. Her friends already thought she was insane, what were the odds they would even listen to her? And how could she know that this wasn't just some paranoia left over from the train and from having her memories taken away and restored.

Maybe she just needed a little time to process, a little more time to let the memories settle and to let her emotions sort themselves out. To get used to the idea that she could finally settle down with a man… who had none of the qualities she wanted in a long-term partner. She felt hollow when she thought of him; she couldn't feel anything for him beyond a dulling of her other emotions followed by what seemed like happiness. That was not love.

This was someone or something messing with her emotions, her mind, and her memories. Some of them made no sense if she tried to recall them now. Everything to do with Lauren, she could remember the bad, but she had a much harder time remembering the good, was there ever even any good? The same thing with Dyson and with Kenzi, she felt distant from all of them. She knew what she felt for them, she knew she felt strongly for them but she could not remember why.

And she had not realized this until now. How? Gaps, huge gaps, memories that made no sense given the people she knew. No happy memories of her life here, beyond the ones she had made more recently. Everything that tied her to them had been erased or replaced with memories that were similar but not quite right.

The only exception was Lauren, because of how their relationship had worked more memories remained. The sad ones, but because of that she also remembered some precious moments. Mostly the first time they made love, when she asked Lauren out, and the first time they said I love you to each other, but also a thousand more small moments in between, when she had gotten her heart torn out, but also a few times it got repaired.

Without thinking Bo pressed the call button followed by one on her speed dial. She brought the phone to her ear and for the first time in years found herself praying that Lauren would pick up the phone. After a few rings she began to pace only to realize that it would give away her position, she instead she sat down on Kenzi's bed.

"Dr. Lewis." She heard Lauren finally answer when she picked up the phone.

"Lauren."

"Bo?!"

"Yeah Lauren it's me. Look I have to make this quick, but I think something's wrong with me, like majorly wrong with me." Bo paused for a moment before she continued. "Something feels off and it has for a long time, but please I need to get out of here where are you guys?"

"Dyson's place." Bo nodded quickly before she brought the phone away from her ear. When she looked up she could see Rainer looking at her curiously, a benevolent smile on his face. Bo narrowed her eyes slightly but she could feel relaxed again.

Why was she trying to… "Bo? Bo are you still there?"

Lauren. Her voice of course it was her voice. She needed to get out of here, she had already promised Rainer things and well… why did she feel torn? This should be… an easy.

"Honey come back. Just come back Bo. Whatever is happening come back to us. Come on Bo." Bo shook her head and reached down to tap the phone onto speaker. When she looked up she could see Rainer looking down at her, confusion written on his face.

"Lo? Thanks." Bo shouted out the old nickname as she stood up in front of Rainer. She could see him staring at her a questioning look in his eye, glancing between her and the phone for a few moments before she saw his eyes widen.

"The doctor of course. Should have guessed she would have that power, of all of them the human is the least suspicious. Humanity is a weird and infectious thing is it not Bo?" She heard Rainer ask her as he shifted his look up towards her.

Bo smirked before she shook her head. Levy had been right she used Lauren's humanity as a shield and as protection. Of course she did. Because really Lauren grounded her, she always had.

Just blind and stupid as per usual. Wow that seemed to be her modus operand lately wasn't it. Blind and stupid. Bo looked up at Rainer who was smiling back at her before he offered his hand to pull her up.

Bo looked up at him for a few minutes torn. The man she knew was kind, caring, generous and really the exact opposite of what she had been told about him. But at the same time she what Tamsin had said about him kept echoing in her head, that she hadn't meet pure evil until she had meet him.

He had already made her slaughter the Una Mens, she had already killed on person begging for her life. How many more? How many people would they conquer and slay on this path?

Did she want to become what she was told her darkness, the darkest part of her always said. Did she want to rule over all? To vanquish light and dark and leave the only thing left as her and Rainer? What would that leave them with? So much power she could become her grandfather? A corrupt ruler?

She knew what her answer would have been a few minutes ago. Yes because it was keeping her and her grandfather apart, her and her birth mother, it kept her from being able to interact with her adoptive family. But at the same time was it right to go about it this way? To stage massacre after massacre?

No. Everything inside of her screamed no.

She had already done Rainer's dirty work once to slaughter the Una Mens. Because of Trick she knew just how much of a mistake that had been. Now she had to deal with whatever the fallout from that would be. When she looked up at Rainer she could see him smiling back at her patiently.

She had promised him she would kill him if he turned out to be an evil maniac, but she had a feeling he already was. And as she had seen with him, going up against him was insane because of his foresight.

But she had to try, if she could end him here and now in Kenzi's bedroom then hopefully she would be able to stop whatever kind of hell plan he was orchestrating. She had no idea what was happening or what was going on other then on a hunch.

But she had always trusted her gut, and she knew that she could die doing this, but still. She had always been someone who rebelled against her destiny, never accepted it, not like she had here for some reason. So complacent and so naïve. She really did suck at reading people.

She stood up and walked towards him. When she got a closer look at him she could see something was off about his face, about his looks, it was almost as if there was a shimmer there. Why had she never noticed before? Bo reached down to pick up her phone.

"Lauren? Am I on speaker?"

"Yes." She quickly tapped the speaker off button and brought the phone to her ear as she stood there. She could see Rainer looking at her a curious expression on his face. She was not fighting him and she had made no moves to battle yet so hopefully untl she did it would not allow him access to foresight.

"I love you all and I am so sorry." She murmured into the phone. "Lauren you be you, smart and sciency okay, and I am so proud of the person you're becoming. You deserve to be free, and I'm sorry I forgot that. Nobody own you, nobody ever has and nobody ever will. And be happy okay, live your life however you chose, but make sure you stay happy okay. Thank-you for being my anchor and my light, for always being there to bring me back. I love you so much and I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot for not realizing it soon."

"Bo why…?"

"Dyson you take care of Kenzi for me okay? I know that you're training her to be… something. So keep doing that. And please try and find a way to move on, you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry that I used you and that I did what I did to you. You're the best wolf friend a succubus could ask for." Bo mumbled into the phone a sad smile crossing her face.

"Bo…"

"Kenz?"

"Right here Bo."

"You be the Kenziest Kenzi ever okay? You were the sister I never knew I wanted and the best friend I could ask for. I'm so glad I saved you that day and I'm so thankful that you've been with me for all of this. Thank-you for being there for me through the break-ups the heartbreaks, the everything, and you take care of yourself okay? I love you so much little sister."

"Bo why does it sound like you're saying goodbye? Like you're about to die?"

Bo smiled as her eyes watered. "Tell Trick I loved him okay and that I'm sorry I couldn't listen to his warning? And if you ever see Aife and she is sane enough please tell her that I would have loved to get to know her better and that I wish I could know her as my mother and as a fellow succubus. But despite it all I love her because she's still my mother in a way."

Bo took a final breath. "Tell Tamsin that I never hated her and that this is not her fault. I made my own choice and I chose my own destiny right until the very end. I never hated her, and I hope that she finds herself. And tell her that her wings are beautiful, she'll understand what I mean. Tell her to be happy and to take care of herself."

"Dyson, Lauren?" She murmured into the phone, she could feel the tears starting to fall down her cheeks as she said good-bye to the people she loved most in the world and telling them to say goodbye to everyone else she loved.

"We're here Bo." She heard Lauren say into the phone. Bo smiled sadly at her lover's voice. She could hear the quiver in it, she knew Lauren well enough to know that she was fighting back tears.

"Make sure you threaten Hale for me please, I never got to fulfill my responsibility as best friend and big sister okay? Take care of Kenzi and yourselves." Bo took a shuddering breath before she looked breathed into the phone. "I love you all and I will never forget what you've done for me. I love you and I'm so sorry that this is goodbye. Bo brought the phone away and pressed the call end button, allowing it to fall away onto the bed.

When she looked up at Rainer she could see him smiling at her. "So you've chosen to sever ties from your friends? Why?"

Bo looked up at him smiling slightly as she reached for her thigh holster, pulling out the dagger. "That was not an I'm leaving you, that was a good-bye to my loved ones. My lover, my friends. The memories I can't remember because you took them and the memories that I still have and how distant I feel from them."

She could see Rainer look at her in confusion for a moment before he blinked looking up at her with a confused expression on his face. "I've been used and manipulated by to many people for far to long. It's time I seize control of my life again, and it's time I put you to rest. I will not walk down a path that puts me in a position that compromises who am I am and will make me become what I fear most, that I will surrender to my darkness."

Bo drew the dagger out from here its holder and brought it up in front of her, she could see him take a step backwards and she took a deep breath. "Your intentions are noble Rainer, but your method is wrong, and my grandfather may have been a tyrant but if these are your methods, then your no better then he is. I will not stoop to massacring people."

"You don't want to do this Bo." She heard Rainer say. And when she looked up at him and smiled her eyes watering.

"Your right I don't. But what I feel for you is nothing; it's dull and lifeless. And what I feel when I'm around you is a dullness and a vague happiness. I can't live like that and I can't risk you getting to hurt this world, getting to hurt my friends and family. So if I have to take you with me to do it, so be it."

Bo could see Rainer drawing the sword that was strapped to his side. She could see him turning away from her and that was the moment she took the opportunity, driving her dagger through his chest and into his ribcage, before pulling it out again moments later. She was gong to turn it away from him. A few moments later she could feel a sword drive through her stomach.

Just like she thought. She could see Rainer stumbling backward, a smirk on his face as he shook his head. "You figured it out." She saw him cough up blood a few moments later as the blood started to run down his chest.

She could see him staring down at her eyes widening as he stared at the blood running from his chest and soaking through his shirt. She could see his eyes roll into the back of his head as she collapsed.

Bo sighed as she allowed herself to fall onto her knees before she curled in on herself in excruciating pain. It felt like something was eating her from the inside out. Bo looked over at Rainer and saw that his chest had stopped rising and falling. She smiled and closed her eyes, curling in on herself as the pain started to fade.

She knew that she was dying and she knew that. In a way she wished that she could do something to heal herself, but she had known when she had started this there would be no source of Chi when she stabbed him.

She hadn't thought this through really had she?

Just like usual she hadn't thought it through.

Bo sighed as she curled in on herself, bringing her hand to press over the wound. The pain that she was feeling was excruciating but it was fading.

She could feel herself getting cold.

"Lauren, I love you and I'm sorry I'm an idiot." She murmured allowed as she reached into her pocket to clutch the necklace that had given her so much hope and had helped her to break this stagnation she had been caught in.

Even if the moment and the way forward was in death. She knew that she was starting to fade away.

"Please… Bo!" Bo smiled slightly as she allowed her eyes to close. It was funny that the last thing she thought she heard was Lauren screaming out her name.

She had hung up the phone to prevent this.

Bo opened her eyes and looked around the room, taking in Kenzi and the room for one last time. She would miss her best friend, her little sister.

She needed to let Kenzi be able to sleep. She did not want to die here in Kenzi's room.

With effort she stood, pressing her hand to the wound as she slowly but surely staggered down the stairs, she nearly fell more then once. But she wanted to get to her own room, and to be in a space she was comfortable.

Bo smiled when she stumbled into her room. She smiled when she looked around before she staggered over to the bed and collapsing on top of it.

She knew she was fading and she knew that she would die here.

It was funny but she almost could swear that she felt warm arms wrap around her, and something lifting her up, a hand coming to rest against her throat.

"I love you so much… please baby hang on." Bo smiled as she curled into the imaginary warmth and allowing herself to drift off, fading away as she felt herself fade.

Hopefully she had stopped the worst of it before it had happened.

Everything faded.


	2. In Love We Sacrifice

**A/N: Thank-you so much for the favourites, the follows and the reviews. **

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Lauren could hear her phone ringing from its place on the counter without

"Dr. Lewis." The standard greeting left her mouth before she could even thinking about it, it was a habit so ingrained into her by years of slavery and years of residency before that.

"Lauren?" She could feel a shiver run down her spin. The voice on the other end sounded so familiar, one that she had been aching to hear for.

"Bo?!" She asked she needed to be sure that it was her, she needed to be sure that it was her and not someone who was trying to impersonate her.

She could see Dyson and Kenzi looking up at her, questions in their eyes. Just as she was about to reply she could hear that Bo was talking to her again.

"Yeah Lauren it's me. Look I have to make this quick, but I think something's wrong with me, like majorly wrong with me." Lauren could feel her heart clench at the thought. She needed to get Bo here, she needed to examine her, hopefully she would be able to reassure her. But Bo was right, something was more then likely wrong with her.

"Something feels off and it has for a long time, but please I need to get out of here where are you guys?" Bo told her, there was an increasing sound of panic in her voice. Lauren took a breath, she needed to remain calm, there was no need to alarm Bo. As much as she wanted to drive over there and drag her back her herself.

"Dyson's place." She could see Dyson and Kenzi looking at her with a curious expression on their faces, she mouthed to them Bo. She could see the look on their faces go from confusion to delight to worry in a matter of seconds.

For a few moments the other end of the phone was quiet. She lay the phone down on the counter in front of her and gesture to Dyson and Kenzi to come over. For a little while longer she waited for Bo to reply to her, waiting for her to reply, telling them that she was coming over.

"Bo? Bo are you still there?" Lauren called out as more time passed. She was beginning to worry when she got no response. She could practically feel the agitation radiating off of Dyson and the worry coming from Kenzi.

Finally she heard Bo mutter something into the phone, it sounded suspiciously like Rainer. She heard Bo repeat that name a few more times before she began to worry. Bo's voice sounded distant, almost dreamy.

Rainer had brainwashed her. She had been right. Shit. What could she do? Was there anything she could try? What if…

Lauren stopped herself and took a deep breath. Talk, just talk to her. That should be enough to break it, she seemed to be more likely lost in through, or whatever Rainer had done to Bo was starting to wear off. Maybe it just needed a little help along the way.

Quickly she brought the phone close to her. "Honey come back. Whatever is happening come back to us." She added looking around at Dyson and Kenzi who were smiling at her slightly. She nodded to them silently. "Come on Bo." She muttered into the phone.

She looked around at Dyson and Kenzi, she was wracking her brain to try and find a memory to use if she needed it, but Bo hadn't lost control she was brainwashed. Maybe hearing Dyson's voice or Kenzi's…

"Lo? Thanks." She heard Bo say into the phone, her voice sounding more distant. She could feel something in her breaking slightly at the use of Bo's nickname for her, one that she had only used for a little while towards the end. God what she wanted to do to Rainer for causing all of this… Lauren sighed and shook her head.

"What's going on?" She heard Kenzi ask her. Lauren looked up at her and shrugged. She brought her hand out and covered the microphone.

"So where do we go from here?" Dyson. He sounded calm, better then the frantic Kenzi. When Lauren look up at him she could see that there was a look of relief in his eyes. He shifted gazed back and forth between her and Kenzi. "What?"

Lauren sighed before she shook her head smiling. "The first thing to do would be for me to examine her, see if there is anything wrong with her physically. Afterwards draw some blood and run a battery of other tests, we figure out what he did to her and with luck how to break it."

"She seems to be doing fine on her own."

Lauren sighed before she rolled her eyes. "I just had to yell at her to bring her back Dyson, again."

She could see Dyson look at her before he grumbled slightly. "Why is it that when you do it, she comes back? When I do it I nearly get punched in the face." Lauren chuckled a little at the memory of Dyson yelling at Bo to come back to them when he saw her and Rainer.

Bo had nearly punched him before she started yelling at all of them. Lauren smiled a little sadly at that part of her memory, Bo had refused to listen to them, insisting that Rainer was a good man and that they needed to let her go.

Eventually Bo and Rainer had just walked away, refusing to talk to them ever since. This phone call was the first time in three days that they had heard from her.

"She's not saying anything. Do you think something is wrong? Should we go get her?" She could see Kenzi looking up at them, worry plain in her eyes.

"We have to trust Bo Kenz, she can take care of herself." Dyson told her back. Lauren sighed and was about to say something when she heard Bo speak again.

"Lauren? Am I on speaker?" She could hear something in Bo's voice, something had changed, there was a hardness that had not been there before. She sounded… resolute as if she had made her mind up about something. But at the same time there was a tremble in her voice, a sadness.

She couldn't help but wonder what was happening on the other end. Shaking her head she quickly responded "Yes."

She could hear Dyson and Kenzi call out greetings to Bo. But it would seem that she had not heard them and few moments later Lauren could hear Bo's voice on the phone.

"I love you all and I'm so sorry." Lauren could feel her heart clench at Bo's words. Did this mean that she was leaving them? That she was going with Rainer? Had he taken control of her again? She had been talking about coming to see them a few moments earlier.

"Lauren you be you, smart and sciency okay, and I am so proud of the person you're becoming. You deserve to be free, and I'm sorry I forgot that. Nobody own you, nobody ever has and nobody ever will." She could feel tears springing into her eyes as Bo began to speak to her.

I owe some of who I've become to you, for showing me that I was free, believing that I was when no one else did.

Bo what are you going to do?

"And be happy okay, live your life however you chose, but make sure you stay happy okay. Thank-you for being my anchor and my light, for always being there to bring me back."

Anchor? Light? What?

"I love you so much and I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot for not realizing it soon." Bo was telling her that she loved her, telling her that she loved only her. She knew that this must mean.

"Bo why…?" slipped out without her even realizing it. Her brain was still trying to process what she was hearing, what she had been told. Bo loved her and was apologizing for being an idiot.

Oh no.

Oh god.

This did not sound like an 'I will see you again' or an 'I'm leaving'. This sounded like goodbye.

Oh god. No.

Bo what are you doing? What are you going to do?

She could feel the tears starting to spring into her eyes, as she chocked them back. She looked at Kenzi who had a hand to her mouth, tears shinning in her eyes as if she knew what was happening.

"Dyson you take care of Kenzi for me okay?"

You're still going to be around to do that please don't… please don't sound like you're about to die for some stupid reason that you think is noble.

"I know that you're training her to be… something. So keep doing that. And please try and find a way to move on, you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry that I used you and that I did what I did to you. You're the best wolf friend a succubus could ask for." Bo's voice sounded sad, resolute, but also at peace.

Friend.

Dyson was Bo's friend? Since when? What?

Oh god. _I love you and I'm an idiot._

Bo. Now? Of all times now?

You… now?

Of all times now?

Baby why? Why baby? You stupid...! Stupid.

She had never… she needed to tell Bo… but she had been afraid.

Oh god stupid woman!

Now of all times? Oh Bo, you've never been good at making decisions until you have to huh? You never have. Always so slow. Now of all times you tell me? Of course baby of course you stupid selfish woman.

She glanced over at Dyson who seemed to be blinking quite rapidly and often. She knew the signs, he was trying to fight the tears building up in his eyes. She could feel the tears starting to run down her cheeks and when she glanced over at Kenzi she could see the young woman's make-up was running.

She wondered if they were thinking the same thing that she was, that this was a goodbye. She handed her phone to Kenzi as she began to run around the room trying to gather the supplies to put into her kit. It had been taken out and scattered around a relatively small area, but because the phone was on speaker she could still hear the conversation as it kept going on.

She knew that Bo was about to do something noble, or something that she thought was noble and that would get her hurt. Except this time she thought she was going to die.

She was going to be damned if she let this woman die without telling her the truth.

She was damned if she was going to lose Bo before she got to yell at her for being an idiot.

She was not going to lose the woman she loved to her own stupid selflessness. Why of all times did she choose now to become selfless again?

She felt her hand drift absently to her abdomen for a moment before she shook her head.

Bo please let whatever you're doing not be stupid please don't let it be noble and self-sacrificing.

Please don't do something stupid before I can get there to patch you up.

Please Bo don't die.

"Kenzi?" She could hear the sound of Bo's voice cracking slightly on the other end, if you didn't know her you would never be able to tell but when she looked over at Kenzi she knew that the younger woman could tell. The tears in Kenzi's eyes had started to run down her cheeks, smearing her make-up, it was the first time she had ever seen Kenzi cry.

"Right here Bo." She could see Dyson walking over to stand next to Kenzi, pulling her into his side, draping an arm over her shoulder. Lauren quickly finished gathering the supplies she needed before she walked over to Kenzi and let a hand rest on her shoulder for a moment squeezing it as they listed to Bo talk.

"You be the Kenziest Kenzi ever okay? You were the sister I never knew I wanted and the best friend I could ask for. I'm so glad I saved you that day and I'm so thankful that you've been with me for all of this. Thank-you for being there for me through the break-ups the heartbreaks, the everything, and you take care of yourself okay? I love you so much little sister" Without saying anything Lauren pulled Kenzi into her a hug for a few moments as she felt the younger woman tremble against her. She took a deep breath chocking back her own tears.

She knew. If Bo was telling Kenzi this then it was goodbye as in I will never see you again. As in I'm going to die.

When she looked up at Dyson she could see a few tears leaking out of his eyes despite the fact he looked like he was trying to remain stoic. She picked up her kit in one head and reached out to tap Dyson on the shoulder with the other.

She tilted her head towards the door hoping that Dyson would get the message. She could see him look at her for a few moments before his eyes widened and he nodded. She turned around reached her hand out for the phone, she saw Kenzi hesitate for a few moments before she nodded and handed it to Lauren.

She saw Dyson mouth to her 'We'll be right behind you Doc. Go get her okay?'

The Crack shack was across the town but hopefully, hopefully she would be able to make it in time. She took off out of Dyson's gym/apartment and ran down to where her car was parked.

She knew that if she looked up she would see Dyson and Kenzi following behind her, no doubt taking Dyson's motorcycle.

Without even thinking she began to pull out of the drive way and head towards Bo's house. The place she had been a thousand times before.

"Tell Trick I loved him okay and that I'm sorry I couldn't listen to his warning? And if you ever see Aife and she is sane enough please tell her that I would have loved to get to know her better and that I wish I could know her as my mother and as a fellow succubus. But despite it all I love her because she's still my mother in a way." She could hear Bo's voice cracking on the other end as she no doubt fought to suppress tears. She could feel the wetness traveling down her own cheeks for a few seconds before she took a deep breath.

She had to ignore the feeling of her heart constricting, the lump forming at the back of her throat as she chocked back a sob that so desperately wanted to escape.

She pressed her foot a little harder on the gas. Each second she wasted was a second that Bo could get injured or worse. Every second she didn't hear Bo speak on the other end of the line was agony.

Every second she wasted was a moment she would never get back.

Every heartbeat that echoed in her ears was a countdown, to what she didn't know.

Every breath was another one wasted apart.

"Tell Tamsin that I never hated her and that this is not her fault." Lauren blinked back tears as she continued to stare ahead at the road, the longer Bo kept talking the more of a chance they had of getting there in time. "I made my own choice and I chose my own destiny right until the very end. I never hated her, and I hope that she finds herself. And tell her that her wings are beautiful; she'll understand what I mean. Tell her to be happy and to take care of herself."

Lauren felt her heart clench at the idea of having to communicate this to Tamsin, but at the same time if she didn't… if she couldn't…

_I will get there in time_. She could not lose Bo. Not to this, not because of her lover's own stupid selflessness.

She kept driving, she ignored most traffic laws, and she was not sure how many lights she speed through, she was only focusing on getting there in time, on stopping whatever Bo was about to do.

"Dyson, Lauren?" She heard Bo murmur, her voice sounded rough, used, tired, resigned.

No.

Drive faster. You have to drive faster.

"We're here Bo." A lie. She tried so desperately to keep her voice even, but she could hear the quiver, she could hear the tremble as she chocked back the rising sobs as she realized what was happening.

She shook her head.

Keep her on the line for as long as possible, keep her talking and you might get there in time. Every second she talks is another one she doesn't do something and someone doesn't do something to her.

"Make sure you threaten Hale for me please, I never got to fulfill my responsibility as best friend and big sister okay? Take care of Kenzi and yourselves." Lauren chocked back the sob that so desperately wanted to escape.

Bo you will get to do that, you will be there to threaten Hale to take care of Kenzi. You will be there for everything in her life. You will be around to make sure she is taken care of just like we will make sure to take care of you stupid.

Baby… please don't. She wanted to say so many things, tell Bo so many things.

But when she tried to speak, she couldn't find her voice. The only thing that came out was a half suppressed sob.

It was getting hard to see the road in front of her.

She knew she should pull over, that she was a danger to herself and to other right now. But she couldn't stop, she could not stop and she could never stop.

She never would stop, not if it meant saving Bo. Not if it meant saving her stupid idiotic lover.

"I love you all and I will never forget what you've done for me. I love you and I'm so sorry that this is goodbye." The dial tone.

No.

No. No.

You're last words do not get to be those same words you spoke to me before the battle with the Garuda.

You don't get to apologize. You do not get to say goodbye!

You are not gong to die today. She turned onto the street that contained Crack Shack.

Bo had better be there, she had better be there or else…

Stupid lover.

Her stupid girl.

Lauren laughed bitterly to herself at her own thoughts, even after all of this time, all of this heartbreak and all of the pain she still thought of Bo that way.

She speed up a little more, taking a deep breath and blinking back her tears.

She couldn't cry. She couldn't cry…

This was why doctors never treated family.

Lauren laughed at her own thoughts.

She pulled up outside of Bo's house, scrambled out of the car barely remembering to turn off the ignition and grab the keys.

She ran for the door only to find it was locked.

She kicked at it, and when the door open she ran in.

When she looked around the main floor she couldn't see anything. Had she been wrong?

No.

She stood still for a moment listening.

A groan. She could hear a familiar groan coming from one of the upper levels.

She ran towards the stairs, climbing up them as quickly as she could, her kit bumping against her hip as she ran upstairs.

If Bo was still making pained noises then it wasn't to late.

It hopefully wasn't to late.

Dyson and Kenzi were right behind her.

Hopefully she could…

She knew it was hopeless. She could see the blood trail on the floor coming form the upper level.

"I love you Lauren and I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot." She heard a voice murmur.

She heard something drop to the floor as she ran.

She ran towards the sound of the familiar voice.

The voice she loved so much.

The one that had whispered I love you in her ear when it's owner thought she was asleep.

The one that cried out her name with abandon in her most vulnerable moments.

The one that had lulled her to sleep after nightmares.

She ran into Bo's bedroom.

The moment she saw Bo she knew that it was hopeless.

She could feel the damn bursting as the tears started to spill down her cheeks a sob escaping as she ran forward.

She could see Bo curled up on her bed, on what used to be her side of the bed.

She could see Bo curled in on herself slightly, a small smile on her face.

"Bo please! Hang on please, Bo!" She could hear a voice crying those things out but she barely recongnized it.

She ran forward to the bed.

She could see a sword stuck through Bo, how it was still in she had no idea.

Without even thinking she sat down on the bed and lifted Bo into her lap.

"Please baby. Please just hang on." Lauren murmured as she frantically pressed her fingers to Bo's throat, she could feel her hands shaking when she mad contact with Bo's skin.

It was cold.

She couldn't find the pulse.

No!

No!

Bo had… oh god.

She buried her face in Bo's hair a she started to sob.

She had been to late.

Of course she had been to late.

They had always been star-crossed lovers.

Just like all star-crossed lovers they were doomed from the start.

One of them had died.

The other left to live on.

She pressed one hand to her abdomen and whispered. "I'm so sorry Charlotte, but I couldn't reach mama in time."


	3. In Loss We Find Life

**A/N: Thank-you to everyone who has left reviews they're always a joy to read, as well as everyone who has favourited and followed.**

**Re-upload note. I will not apologize for how this fic ends. I already took it down once because I am a coward but this stays up. **

**This is the ending I wrote and this is the ending that stays. **

**Leave me hate and flames if you want but it will not change and I will not apologize. This is the ending that stays. If it's tragic it is tragic, if you see it as misguided attempt by me to play with your emotions then you can see it as that may to. **

**I'm sorry but this is it and it may be a travesty and it may be nasty and misguided, but this is what I wrote and this is what felt like the end so it stays. **

** Trigger Warnings: Death, Someone Dying in someone else's arms, and implications of suicide.**

* * *

"I love you so much and I'm so sorry." Lauren murmured into Bo's hair despite the fact that she knew her lover could not hear her and never would be able to again.

If she could go back she would, maybe if she had driven just a little faster, if she had kept Bo on the line just a little longer she could have stopped this. Maybe… she shook her head, there was no point, what had happened had happened.

Not that it made it hurt any less. She was still cradling Bo's body to her own, almost as if she wished that she could will life back into her, but she could not. She never could and she never would be able to.

She laughed slightly to herself as she brought a hand up to wipe away the tears that were falling from her eyes. It would have been better if it had been anyone else who had done whatever Bo did to get a sword through her, at least Bo would have been able to bring her back, have been able to bring anyone back.

"You were never good at thinking things through were you baby?" She murmured into Bo's hair, stroking it lightly for a few moments before she scooted away, gently pressing Bo back down in the bed.

"There are so many things I needed to tell you, so many things that I should have told you." Lauren smiled as she reached down to cup Bo's face, she wished that there was warmth still emanating from it, but the skin was cold, so cold.

The coldness of death.

"I'm pregnant for one thing." Lauren whispered as she pressed her forehead against Bo's tears starting to leak from her eyes again. "You're the father, well the other mother, to our little girl." Lauren laughed sadly as she lifted Bo's hand and held it to her stomach, it was limp and cold against her own.

"She's to little right now to be able to feel anything, or for us to be able to feel her in return, but she's in there. Been giving me hell to, always making me nauseous." She smiled slightly. "She's going to be your daughter, I can already feel it."

Lauren could feel a sob escaping when she didn't feel anything in response, no breath, no warmth, no heartbeat.

There was nothing.

She wished so badly she could have told Bo, that she could have told her before all of this happened, but it had never crossed her mind.

She had been waiting until the end of the first trimester, to make sure that she didn't miscarry, before she told Bo.

Really she had been considering running again, she wasn't sure if she trusted Bo with Charlotte or not, but at the same time she hadn't wanted to keep Bo from their daughter. She smiled as she pressed herself a little more against Bo.

It looks like she wouldn't have to worry about that anymore would she? It was only her now, only her and Charlotte now. She still had Dyson and Kenzi sure, but she knew that she and Charlotte would be in danger, she would have to run again now.

She sobbed as she pressed her forehead against Bo's. "There are so many things I want to say to you, so many things I want to yell at you about. For treating me so badly towards the end, for cheating on me, and for so many other things that I know you couldn't help." Lauren murmured to an empty room.

There was no one who could hear her, she knew that the house was empty, Kenzi had been with them and Tamsin was resting at the Dahl despite her protests. Whatever Bo had done had caused Rainer to leave, although who knows maybe he was the person who had done this to her.

She wished she could kill Rainer herself for harming Bo.

But if she had to guess she already knew what had happened. Rainer was more then likely the source of the sword, but she doubted that Bo had gone down without a fight. Lauren laughed slightly before she whispered. "You didn't go down without a fight did you huh?"

She let go of Bo's hand, feeling it fall away, hitting the bed with a dull thud. She could feel the tears coming to her eyes again, she knew that this was it. There was no way to bring Bo back to them.

"I love you Bo, and I wish… I wish that I had pursued you all that time ago, right from the beginning. We wasted so much time… and when we finally got our chance we both messed everything up didn't we? You ignored me and I never called you out on it did I?" Lauren pulled back slightly, reaching down to cup Bo's cheek.

"I loved you, and that will never change baby. I love you so much and I'm so sorry." She whispered as she leaned over to kiss Bo on the forehead one last time before she pulled herself away.

She wished that she could yell at Bo, she wished that she could yell at her for being so stupid, for thinking that sacrificing herself was the answer, never even talking about it with them, never seeing if there was an alternative.

She just wanted to go back, to take Bo back into her arms and never let go of her again. She felt like an idiot, she had known what she wanted all this time, but she had waited for Bo to make a decision.

She had never pushed and she had never pursued Bo, never fought for her.

But at the same time she was so tired of fighting for Bo, she had wanted to be chased for once. She had wanted Bo to chose her of her own free will.

Everything was so screwed up, and it had been since the very start hadn't it?

It had always been so screwed up.

She had been competing for Bo's affection with Dyson for so long, and for so long she had seen him as nothing but a rival, and nothing but an obstacle to be taken down, someone who could take Bo away from her. Someone she needed to be jealous of.

Now he was probably the closet thing she had to a best friend.

She snorted at the irony of it all.

Her love for Bo had brought her so much pain, and so much suffering and sadness.

But through that love and through the heartbreak and the heartache she had finally gotten the courage to stand on her own two feet again.

To finally find the person she used to be, and she had finally found the person she had wanted to become.

She scooted to lean back against the headboard, glancing down she reached over to play with Bo's hair for a few more moments, pressing her other hand to her abdomen. She took a deep breath and leaned back against the bed.

She was so tired and she was so sick of her heart being broken over and over.

Why was it that she lost the people she loved?

She could feel the tears starting to run down her cheeks as Nadia entered her thoughts for the first time in months.

Nadia had been killed just like this, a dagger through her chest, because she had begged Bo to do it for her, because she didn't have the strength to do it herself.

She laughed slightly as she leaned down again, lying down beside Bo on the bed. She wished she could reach out and hold Bo, some how make this better, but death was final when you did not have a succubus with you.

She started to cry again as she looked up at the canopy.

She had so many memories in this bed, she turned on her side and glanced around the room, curling in on herself.

So many memories in this room.

The first time they had been together, that disastrous first night. The one that still made her choke up at the thought of it, how it ended. She wished it could have ended any other way, any other time. But she did not regret the night itself, it had been beautiful and espite the tentativeness and hesitancy that came with first times, it had been passionate and close.

She had never felt closer to Bo then she had that night. That one night she gave herself so freely and with so much trust.

Afterwards, ever subsequent one of their couplings she knew that Bo had been holding back slightly, holding back a tiny piece of her heart so that it never got hurt again.

Except for their last time.

When Charlotte must have been conceived. It wasn't in this bed.

It had been rough, frenzied, and passionate.

The opposite of their first time, but in her mind it was also perhaps the most beautiful.

The closeness, the feeling Bo against her again after so long apart, and after everything that had happened they had simply stood still for a long time, holding each other skin against skin before they had gotten dressed again.

It was probably during that moment she had been conceived, Bo taking her Chi before she had breathed it back into her as they were both coming down from climax.

But nothing had changed, it was like when they had been together that second time. A needed and frenzied coupling, but ultimately it was nothing more.

She smiled sadly and curled a little closer to herself, pressing a hand to her abdomen.

Except it had meant so much more now because it had been their last time, and it had been when their baby had been conceived.

She already loved the little person growing inside of her and now she was all that was left of Bo, other then her body…

She let another sob escape.

She wished above all else that something could change, that there was some way that she could bring Bo back, but there wasn't.

She was human.

She was only human, and this one time she wished she wasn't.

But she was.

So all she could do was lie close to Bo for a little while longer one last time.

She wished that this was a dream, that when she woke up she and Bo would be together, lying in this bed.

She could tell her about this nightmare, and how much she loved her.

But she knew if she reached out all she would feel was the cold of Bo's skin, the stickiness of the drying blood…

She felt nauseous.

She needed to change.

She could feel Bo's blood against her shirt and pants from where she had picked her up.

Oh god.

She tried to get up, but she couldn't, all she could do was curl into a ball and sob for a little while longer.

* * *

"Lauren?" She heard a voice whisper.

For a moment she thought it was Bo, for just one second she thought that somehow Bo had been alive all this time.

But when she opened her eyes all she could see was Dyson kneeling next to her side of the bed, a soft worried look in his eyes.

When she looked up at him she shook her head before closing them again and reaching out her hand.

She felt Dyson grasp it a few moments later, squeezing it for a few moments before letting it go.

She could feel arms coming underneath her, shifting to pick her up like a child. All she knew was that when she reached out to wrap her arm around his neck she started to sob again.

Another memory of Bo, and the few times she had done this when she had fallen asleep on the couch at one of their places. Or as a teasing game to try and get her back into bed when she had to leave for work.

Bo usually won that one.

"Come on Doc." She heard a second voice whisper, the sadness registering loud and clear.

Kenzi. She turned her head to look at her friend. She could see her eyes watering as she looked down at Bo's body. When she saw Kenzi look back up at her she saw her look at her, asking in a small voice. "Was it quick?"

Lauren chocked, she didn't know what to say. She knew that it wasn't, that Bo must have been alive for several minutes before she bled out, because she had managed to move down here from the upper level. But did Kenzi really need to know that her best friend had died in agony?

That based on the position of the sword stomach acid would have been eating at Bo's insides? That she would have been in excruciating pain as she moved, the sword continuing to tear at her insides?

No. She didn't.

Lauren reached over and caught Kenzi's face, lifting it up slightly. She smiled and shook her head. "Yes it was, she didn't feel much."

She saw Kenzi nod before she smiled slightly for a few moments, a concerned look developing on her face when she saw the hand that remand on her abdomen. "Doc…" She saw Kenzi trail off for a few moments before she nodded to herself.

She could feel Dyson trying to bring his hand up, only to remember that he was holding her, and shifting it back down.

"Let's get you somewhere warm and dry okay Lauren?" She could feel him speaking slowly and deliberately. "You're probably in shock." Lauren sighed and simply closed her eyes, trying to get the image of finding Bo out of her head.

"Kenz?" She heard Dyson call out. "Did Bo keep any of Lauren's clothes around?"

"Yeah, she did. An old Yale sweater, when she missed Lauren she would wear it around the Shack." So that was where her old university sweatshirt had ended up. Lauren smiled slightly before she felt her heart clench and the tears start to trickle down her cheeks again. "And I think the Doc left some other clothes here that Bo never gave back."

At least that would explain her lack of shirts and pants when she had gotten back, she must have left more of her work clothes here then she thought she had. It's not like they'd ever exactly had the time to…

Lauren stopped the train of thought before it started. She needed to…

"Lauren? I'm going to bring you downstairs okay. Then Kenzi's going to help you change so that we can get those bloody clothes off of you okay? How does that sound?" Lauren didn't respond, instead burying her head in Dyson's neck, curling the arm that was wrapped around his neck a little tighter.

"I'll take that as a yes okay?"

Lauren suddenly thought of something. "What about…"

"Rainer? Dead, stab wound to the chest, directly over the heart, a good one by Bo. It seems to be a well… mutual murder it would seem."

Lauren laughed slightly. "At least our girl got him in the end huh?"

"Your girl Lauren, your girl. You heard her." She could hear Dyson's voice quiver slightly. "She loves you, and she loved you until her last breath." She could hear a smile return to Dyson's voice a little bit. "I'm her best wolf."

She could here Dyson pause for a few moments as her approached the stairs. "You're pregnant aren't you."

"How?"

"I can smell the changes in your hormone levels Lauren. I just didn't want to say anything, it was yours and Bo's business, never mine. It's still yours and hers." Lauren pulled away from where she had been hiding in Dyson's neck to look at him.

She saw him smile at her. "It's still none of my business, but whatever you want to do I'll be there for you okay? I think it's what Bo would have wanted and it's what I want too." Lauren smiled up at him despite the tears that were running down both of their cheeks.

"You're okay with it?" All she could do was see Dyson shake his head slightly before he started to go down the stairs.

"I don't really have a say in it now do I?" She heard him say as he chuckled lightly. "Not my body and not my child. And because of how little Bo knew about herself and her nature as a Fae I'm guessing that it was an accident?"

Lauren nodded slightly before she took a breath fighting down the nausea. "Can you go a little slower? Not jostle me as much? Unless you want me to throw up on your shoes."

Despite the situation she heard Dyson laugh a little bit. "Sure thing Doc, sure thing." He said as he began to descend the stairs a little more slowly, each one creaking in complaint at the additional weight they had to bear.

Lauren smiled sadly. They had never done that when it was her and Bo, she had never known them to make this sound. But when she looked up at Dyson he didn't even seem to be fazed by the noise. He must have heard it before.

Lauren shook her head and took a deep breath focusing on the world around her as they slowly descended the stairs to the Crack Shack. "Are you okay?" She eventually asked Dyson.

She heard him huff softly before replying. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? You just lost the woman you love and the mother of your child."

Lauren sighed before she responded. "And you just lost the woman you love and your mate."

She heard Dyson sigh again. "And Kenzi lost her best friend and her older sister. Trick lost his granddaughter. Tamsin lost… what the hell was Tamsin to Bo?" Lauren started to laugh at that statement.

After a few moments she calmed down enough to reply. "Tamsin lost someone she loved greatly. But Bo told me to tell her that it wasn't her fault, she never hated her, and that her wings are beautiful."

She heard Dyson chuckle slightly as he descended the last stair, and started to walk towards the couch, no doubt about to put her on it. "Did she say anything else?"

Lauren's eyes watered as she recalled what Bo had told her. "She said to tell Trick that she loved him and that she was sorry she didn't listen to his warning. She also said that if we ever found Aife…" She could see Dyson wince slightly, but she decided to ignore it. "That if we ever found her and she was sane enough to understand that Bo loved her, and wished she could have gotten to know her as her mother."

They fell into an uneasy silence for a few moments as Dyson crossed into the living room and gently put her down on the couch, before he walked over to sit in a nearby armchair. Lauren looked over at him and took a breath before she spoke again. "The last thing she said to me before she hung up was. 'I love you all and I'm so sorry.'" Those weren't her last words, but Dyson didn't necessarily need to know that Bo's last words were that she loved her.

She could see Dyson look over at her for a few minutes before he looked at her, barely suppressed tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry you were the one to find her… it must be…"

Lauren curled in on herself and rested her head against a pillow. "This isn't the first time I've been with someone when they died. It used to happen sometimes when I was an intern, I would sit with a patient all night monitoring them only for them to pass away…" Although there deaths were much more peaceful then Bo's was.

"And I've seen I can't even remember how many murder cases in my decades as a detective but…"

"It never gets easier, especially not when it's a loved one, especially when it's your loved one." Lauren murmured curling a little closer to herself. She could see Dyson standing up and walking over to the arm of the couch, grabbing the blanket there.

For a second she was confused, until she felt it wrap around her, being tucked up under her chin. She saw Dyson kneel down next to her head on the couch. "We'll get through this, we'll all get through this. I think she stopped the big bad this time. So now we mourn, we work through our grief and we move on, and live our lives, just like she would have wanted us to."

Lauren nodded in agreement before she glanced up at the stairs. "What about Kenzi?"

She looked back and Dyson and she could see his gaze drifting up towards the stairs. "We'll take care of her. She's not alone, she has Hale, she had you, and she has me. We'll get through this…" She heard Dyson trail off a distant look coming to his eyes.

"It just may take a long time, a lot of grief, and probably a lot of therapy." Lauren murmured. "But your right. I'm here and you're here, we have each other now I guess, even if we have no one else."

Lauren smiled up at him slightly. "And I hope your true to your word about being there for me because I'm going to need everyone and all the help I can get, especially since…"

She saw Dyson smile at her lightly. "Do you have a name?"

"Charlotte Isabeau Dennis-Lewis." Lauren murmured.

She saw Dyson smile at her. "It's good, a strong name for a what's surely going to be a strong girl, especially if she's anything like her…"

"Mama…" Lauren laughed slightly as she moved her hand to rest against her abdomen. "I don't remember where that came from, but I know that's what Bo probably would have been called in the end."

She teared up again at the thought of Bo. "Hey…"

"I just wish she was going to be here you know? It's not going to be easy and I don't… She would have wanted to be here, she would have been so…"

She heard Dyson sigh before reaching out to stroke her hair slightly. "Hey." She looked up at him. "If you want I think Aunt Kenzi and Uncle Hale will be here, as well as Uncle Dyson. You're not alone."

"Thanks wolfy." Lauren muttered as she turned onto her side away from Dyson

"Yeah Doc. Yeah." She heard him murmur as she heard him stand up and move away.

Lauren closed her eyes and allowed the tears to fall again.

She felt a small flutter in her stomach, it felt like a nervous butterfly, and when she pressed her hand against her abdomen she felt that little movement again, the small flutter.

It was still early, mothers at her stage in pregnancy rarely felt the baby move, especially first time mothers like she was.

But here she was on today of all days. She could feel those little flutters in her stomach that felt like nervous butterflies.

It was Charlotte, she could feel her moving for the the first time.

And she started to cry again because she could picture the look on Bo's face when she found out that their little Charlie was moving for the first time.

It would have been beautiful.


End file.
